is your mom at the bar?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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