Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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