Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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