Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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