can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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