gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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