She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
