the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
