you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
