I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
