She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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