Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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