Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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