I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
