I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
