Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
