i jhust puked up my retainher.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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