I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
