soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
