well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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