The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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