Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
