I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
