Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
