so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
