I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
