I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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