everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
