I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
