So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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