quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
