remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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