Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
