He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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