haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
