my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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