hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
