I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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