I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
