Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
