GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
