i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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