Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he puts the penis in happiness.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
