You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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