Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
