Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
