Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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