I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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