hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Alive.
So much puke
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
