i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
