You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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