dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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