Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
