It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
