yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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