my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
