Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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