yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
