what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
