I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
