Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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