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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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