2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
