Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
only if we run a train.
done.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
