i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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