i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
