I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
