the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
