So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
