How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
