he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
