It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
