I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
