Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
