I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
