capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
