so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?