I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
