I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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