You're so nebulous sometimes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.