Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow