I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.