Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.