Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED