the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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