My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
