We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
