so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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