i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
