we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
