Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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