Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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