i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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